I remember one Valentine’s Day that happened to coincide
with me being in a relationship. I finally
had a man on the right day of the year and I was going to make the most of it. But everything that day was chaotic and ridiculous:
a lot of traffic and driving, the production of “getting ready”, selecting a
restaurant with an hour wait, getting home very late and dreading work the next
day. At the end of the day, we were just
two tired people, manipulated by aggressive marketing and bending to social
norms; me with my high expectations and him ambivalently going along.
We made it to the restaurant and settled at the bar. We began to chat like the good friends that
we were instead of the possessed maniacs we had become. It helped that the restaurant had a lovely
piano bar. The musician was warm and
pleasant and smiled to himself and everyone passing by. As we waited, my boyfriend talked about a
number of things, but mostly about growing up in Chicago. In a
matter-of-fact way, he revealed something very personal and sad that happened
in his family. In that moment, I was not
aware of the piano man and his songs, or the crowds of people, but only the
words coming from his mouth, and oddly, the lack of expression on his
face. However, I was deeply affected by
what he was saying. He paused and said “I
can see your eyes watering up and I really appreciate your care and concern.”
What happened in that moment had nothing to do with cards,
candy, balloons, flowers or jewelry. It
was simply a heartfelt exchange between two people. It was
a moment in which one soul connected with another without shame or
pretense. There was sharing and
understanding. And isn’t this what we all want, to be more
fully known, understood and accepted?
We live in a time in which so many are craving validation and
the assurance that they really matter.
Why else would people go to such extreme attempts to be recognized? We see this everywhere: at work and at home, among
the rich and poor, in the media, in politics, at social events, at school and
even in religious institutions.
Fortunately, there is something that we can do. We can initiate heartfelt exchanges with
those around us. We can take the time to
look someone else in the eye and let them know that they matter by listening to
their story without judgment. We also
have to be vulnerable and share our story with others. It doesn’t have to be something sad and
depressing. I’ve revealed embarrassing missteps
that resulted in raucous laughter.
Whether you are alone, with friends, or partnered in some
way, I wish you a Happy Heartfelt Exchange Day!
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| Hydrangea |
