Life is a mystery and the world a beautiful and complex place. So I write to make my way through it. This is how I shall liberate myself and make my own heart happy.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Happy Valentine's Day!

I remember one Valentine’s Day that happened to coincide with me being in a relationship.  I finally had a man on the right day of the year and I was going to make the most of it.  But everything that day was chaotic and ridiculous: a lot of traffic and driving, the production of “getting ready”, selecting a restaurant with an hour wait, getting home very late and dreading work the next day.  At the end of the day, we were just two tired people, manipulated by aggressive marketing and bending to social norms; me with my high expectations and him ambivalently going along.

We made it to the restaurant and settled at the bar.   We began to chat like the good friends that we were instead of the possessed maniacs we had become.  It helped that the restaurant had a lovely piano bar.  The musician was warm and pleasant and smiled to himself and everyone passing by.  As we waited, my boyfriend talked about a number of things, but mostly about growing up in Chicago.   In a matter-of-fact way, he revealed something very personal and sad that happened in his family.  In that moment, I was not aware of the piano man and his songs, or the crowds of people, but only the words coming from his mouth, and oddly, the lack of expression on his face.  However, I was deeply affected by what he was saying.  He paused and said “I can see your eyes watering up and I really appreciate your care and concern.”   

What happened in that moment had nothing to do with cards, candy, balloons, flowers or jewelry.  It was simply a heartfelt exchange between two people.   It was a moment in which one soul connected with another without shame or pretense.  There was sharing and understanding.   And isn’t this what we all want, to be more fully known, understood and accepted? 

We live in a time in which so many are craving validation and the assurance that they really matter.  Why else would people go to such extreme attempts to be recognized?  We see this everywhere: at work and at home, among the rich and poor, in the media, in politics, at social events, at school and even in religious institutions.   

Fortunately, there is something that we can do.  We can initiate heartfelt exchanges with those around us.  We can take the time to look someone else in the eye and let them know that they matter by listening to their story without judgment.  We also have to be vulnerable and share our story with others.  It doesn’t have to be something sad and depressing.  I’ve revealed embarrassing missteps that resulted in raucous laughter.   

Whether you are alone, with friends, or partnered in some way, I wish you a Happy Heartfelt Exchange Day!  

Hydrangea

Sunday, December 22, 2013

A Moment of Melancholy

Yesterday evening, while walking back to my apartment from the grocery store, I had a moment of melancholy.  It unexpectedly swept over me like a wave. I couldn’t even think of any particular trigger.  Was I lonely?   Was I scared?   Mad about something?  Was it the holidays?  Uhmmmm….yes, maybe, why not and I don’t really know.
 
I was about to investigate what I was feeling.

Although it was the first day of winter, there was a wonderful, tropical-like breeze that pulled me away from my “deep” analysis.  If it weren’t for the cement underneath my feet and the high rise buildings around me, I could have been walking along a beach during the summer.  

Then, I looked up at the holiday lights outlining the windows of the apartments high above.  I especially like the lights that are supposed to be the shape of a tree or a symbol. I can imagine the inhabitants getting to a point of frustration and deciding that this will have to do.  Or, maybe this is exactly what they intended.  Either way, I was amused.  It was nice to see the lights regardless of the execution or intention.

I had forgotten about my melancholy and my analysis.
   
Then, I thought to myself, I bet there are at least a few million people in the world alive today that wished they could have the freedom to be walking safely from the grocery store back to their home.  If only they could walk around in a nice neighborhood looking up at lights in the window and feeling a tropical breeze.  They wished they could go into a grocery store and wander up and down the aisles trying to figure out what to purchase because there are so many options.  Many wished to have the physical ability and health to simply walk around, others a brain functioning well enough to consider options, and some the emotional health capable of self-reflection. 

I ditched the melancholy altogether.

I looked up and realized that a little girl was coming my way.  She was a few steps ahead of her dad.  She was happy and her steps were more like a march.  Her dad was not happy and seemed to be dragged down by life and caught up in some drama he was relaying on his cell.  I looked at the little girl and I could imagine her saying, Look at me walking all by myself!  I think she spotted me a ways back because when I looked up her eyes were already locked into mine.   She would not be denied.   I smiled back at her and gave her an exuberant Well…hello!  She smiled back and marched onward. 

That’s it.  Smile and march onward.