Morning

My eyes are steadied by the overhead fan.  The dark blades circle in play about the white ceiling.   I curve my body and pull the covers close.  I am cold, but I like the lulling fan.  

The birds are in the tree again and just outside my window.  The tree is inhabited by their melodic shrills and staccato, high-pitched bleats.  I slightly turn my head towards them – unable to resist or to understand.  Their call and response reminds me of a good Sunday morning sermon. 

My airy white room is made brighter still by the sun.  The lightness of the room is grounded by a few pieces of heavy furniture.  The walls are empty except for a gift from years ago.  Behind a dark frame and glass, is the sparse arrangement of curved wood elements.  A woman is praying.  

Lightly, almost magically, it begins to rain.  The rain thumps against the leaves of the big tree.  The birds have quieted.  There is a silence that I adore.

Always, there are things to do.  But, I look to the praying woman across from me and feel the fan above me.  I stretch and curl back up.  I rest again to ease into a new day.

From my morning walk in San Juan, PR - September 2009

Just a Little Faith

Many years ago, at the end of service, the pastor of my church said that he had a gift for each of us.  The ushers then handed out a small, amber-colored glass vial.  It was no more than half an inch in diameter. Inside, there appeared to be a tiny grain.   The pastor then revealed that he wanted to give each of us a mustard seed.

I was amused by my inability to recognize what was in my hand, given the setting and the fact that I’ve spent many years and countless hours in church.    I’ve heard the referenced biblical scripture countless times: “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move from here to there, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20 NIV).

I’m sure that the pastor said something very wise and metaphorical about the mustard seed that now eludes me.  When I look at it, I’m still surprised at how small and unassuming it is – even fragile.  Maybe it’s because I have big ideas and big dreams so I want the mustard seed to be grandiose in some way.  

But then, I’m reminded that every big thing is made up of many small things.  For the musician, every performance is the result of hours and hours of practice that begins with tuning an instrument and playing scales.  Before the FIFA World Cup, there’s the athlete competing and practicing for years and starting out their workout regimen with a stretch.  Prior to the published book of 80,000 words, there’s the writer living in obscurity (or even absurdity) researching her topic and making little notes in her phone or on paper napkins.  No goal is accomplished and nothing big happens without being committed to small, and seemingly insignificant, things that must be repeated over and over again without applause, without mention and mostly going unnoticed by those around us.

There’s a lot that we can do if we have a little faith.  That’s what that lil mustard seed is saying to me when I look at it from time to time.  Because faith requires action, we have to start somewhere - complete a scale, a stretch or a word.  

This is how we move mountains and realize that nothing will be impossible.

In pursuit of the life we want

The leader of one of the creative groups (The StuckCreative) that I attend, always tells us to do something each day towards our creative work.  I’ve been going to this group for months and have yet to accomplish this.   I’ve concluded that this may be ideal but far from practical.

It would be great if we could devote all of our energy and time in pursuit of a particular goal.  Can you imagine if there was a program like The Biggest Loser where we could check out of our life and pursue our dreams full time? There would be a staff of experts and a coach standing by for support.  At the end of the day, you would fall into your lovely bed exhausted from pursuing this one desire all day long.  When you check in with your loved ones they would provide positive reinforcement and proclaim that your success in achieving this dream is a matter of life and death for you and your family.  There would be many happy tears to follow.

In reality, we are managing (to varying degrees) the life we have right now while working towards the life we hope to create.   And creating something new requires time and practice.  We do this in the midst of work, family and other responsibilities.  Of course there are benign unexpected things that happen that temporarily disrupt our lives like last summer when the air conditioning unit in my house in Atlanta decided to go on strike against the tenant.  There are also non-benign things that happen to us such as illness, or loss of a loved one or loss of a job.   We have no choice but to tend to these things.

To all of this, I say that we should continue on in pursuit of our goals and the life that we want.   Don't feel bad or disappointed if you can’t do this daily or even routinely.  Most often, achieving our goals is a lot like driving to work in traffic.  At some places we can move pretty fast and other times you just have to sit there and wait.    We always manage to get there but sometimes it takes a little longer.

People We Meet 2.0

I enjoy meeting new people.  I periodically like to throw myself into situations where I don’t know anyone.   I usually choose venues where I can be around people with similar interests.  You won’t find me hanging out at a bar but you might find me wandering around an art festival or book fair.  Last fall, I went to a writer’s workshop about publishing and hoped to meet fellow writers. 

I happened to "meet" two people during the afternoon workshop session when the moderator released us for a break.   He said, “Be back in 15 minutes” but what they must have heard was, “Ready, set …complain!”   They sounded worse than kids forced to eat a plate of liver with sides of beets and broccoli.   Yet, this was a meal they didn’t have to keep eating.  At any moment they could have excused themselves.  Was it the registration fee that held them in place?  I made the mistake of turning around to look at these sad souls.  They locked eyes with mine and assumed that I too was a part of their struggle.   

They were an interesting pair.  He was thin with light-brown, 1970’s David Cassidy hair.  He wore 80’s styled jeans and a washed-out t-shirt.  A scowl seemed etched into his crypt-like face.  She too, was stuck somewhere in time.  Her blouse had pink and blue flowers and her skirt was long and light blue.  Her thin, bottle blond hair with grey roots was trying to hold on long enough to crumple about her shoulders.  Some middle-age women are cute and plump with a distinct style- always announcing their arrival.  She was not one of them.   Her face was red, accentuated by stubbornness and bewilderment.

For some reason, I was more amused than annoyed by them.   I was having such a fabulous time that it hadn’t occurred to me that others weren’t.  The man and woman were so in sync that I wrongly assumed they were a couple.  When one paused the other began, quite effortlessly.  They didn’t like the breakout sessions focusing on specific genres like fiction or memoirs.  And the workshop should only focus on specific steps to getting published.   The last speaker, a successful author and editor, asked if we were really ready to publish.  To this they took high offense. She once told a writer that there were only 10 good pages that should be kept out of the 80 page document that had been written.  To that, the man said, “What does that have to do with getting published?”   I'm thinking it had everything to do with publishing but I smiled anyway.  The woman couldn’t wait to add, “Yeah, and they assume that everyone here is a writer! Not everyone wants to write a book.”    I guess she failed to read the first sentence of the promo for the workshop: Our popular annual seminar provides writers with the information they need to publish their work in print or e-book format in today's changing digital landscape. 

At some point, I broke in and asked the woman, “Oh, so what are you working on and what are you trying to do?’  I wanted to hear about this great artistic expression that will change the world.  She said that she wasn’t sure.  A while ago she started a blog and posted 6 times but then she got busy trying to help her husband with his business so she hadn’t been able to get back to it.  I looked to her sidekick and thought surely he must have something to offer but he too had nothing.  I nodded as if I understood while backing away.  I reminded them of the break because now I really needed one.  They stayed.

As I turned, I could hear the woman once more…”And you know what else?...” 

Note:  After receiving feedback from my writing group and a few more revisions, I decided to repost People We Meet which was originally posted on November 2013.  

Gene and I Agree

In my last post, I made a comment about how often I observe bad writing.  I saw this article by Gene Weingarten in the Washington Post Magazine about bad writing.  I've included the article after my post in case the link should stop working one day.  I was glad to see that Gene agrees with me.

Obviously, some are more aware of bad writing than others.  They probably have some type of relationship with the construction of words by way of profession or passion.  I liken it to a good friend who is serious about his body and working out.  He often notices imperfections in other’s bodies.   He points out things that I would never notice. 

Just like working out and having a nice body requires a commitment of time and effort, so does good writing. I often look up the definition of words that I think I know.  I religiously use the spelling and grammar check. The exception to this is Facebook.  Communication on Facebook means breaking every rule of grammar and a proliferation of abbreviations and acronyms.  If I don’t like the flow of a sentence, I keep looking at it – often rearranging the position of words, deleting or adding them.  I flee from clichés in search of my own voice. Then, I step back like an artist and stare at my creation.  Still not satisfied, I go through this tortuous process again and again.   Weirdly, I enjoy this. 

Here's Gene's article Gene defiantly recommends that you watch your language 
By Gene Weingarten, Published: January 3 in Washington Post Magazine

As the world’s leading connoisseur and curator of Bad Writing on the Internet, I often get letters from people about some common misuse of language that happens to annoy them. Most of these complaints are pedestrian. (Yes, I know “ATM machine” is redundant. Zzzz.) But reader Amity Horowitz just wrote in with an eye-opener. Coyly, Amity invited me to Google the peculiar expression “defiantly recommend.”

“Defiantly recommend” has been used 1.5 million times! While one might occasionally recommend something defiantly, at the risk of censure or ridicule — say, the ritual eating of one’s placenta — how often would that sort of thing happen? Not a million-odd times. So I investigated.

“Defiantly recommend” turns out to be a classic example of Internet-induced idiocy, an elegant collision of incompetence and indifference:  A person wants to write “I definitely recommend,” in, say, a product review but spells it “definately,” which is the illiterate’s go-to version of the word. Spellcheck (and its co-conspirator, autocorrect) realizes something is wrong and suggests “defiantly.” The incompetent writer doesn’t know this is wrong or doesn’t care or doesn’t notice. And so “defiantly recommend” gets published a million-plus times. A similar thing happens when inept spellers write “alot,” meaning “a lot,” but spellcheck turns it into “allot,” which explains the hemorrhage of Google hits for expressions like “I have allot of weapons.” This phenomenon has happened more than 2.2 million times, which is allot.

We will call this sort of thing The Law of Incorrect Corrections, and it leads indirectly to:

The Law of Uninformed Uniformity
Before the Web, to be published as a writer, you pretty much had to be a professional. Professionals are unafraid of words and know a lot of them and take pains to use them in entertaining, unexpected combinations. This is not so with many amateurs of the Web, who have much they wish to say but lack the professional’s confidence and extensive arsenal of words. They are to writing as I am to fashion: I know I have to put something on every day, but I have no confidence in my ability to mix and match with style or taste. And so I tend to dress in “uniforms”: safe combinations of familiar things, such as khaki pants with blue shirts. The modern Web-sters are like that with words. With words, they are … woefully inadequate.

Consider that very expression, a staple of the Internet. A Google search confirms that 80 percent of the time the word “woefully” is used, it is modifying the word “inadequate.” It’s difficult to explain how preposterous this is, but I’ll try: It’s as though 80 percent of the time people use salt, it’s on scrambled eggs. Think of all the missed opportunities for flavor.

Finally, The Principle of Trite & Wrong
Cliche is easy — it pops into the mind in an instant and often sounds profound or at least comfortingly familiar. Therefore, cliche infests the Internet, even when it is completely inappropriate to the point being made.

Consider “nothing could be further from the truth.” This expression is always a lie. Repeat: This expression is always a lie. If we scan the Web, however, we find it has been used 13 million times, generally in pompous defense of oneself or of another against allegedly scurrilous allegations. Charles Colson, for example, once decried the popular image of Martin Luther King Jr. as “a liberal firebrand, waging war on traditional values.” Says Colson: “Nothing could be further from the truth.”

Really, now! I think I can refute this without getting into a tedious discussion of a dead man’s politics. Here is one statement, for example, that is palpably further from the truth: “Martin Luther King Jr. was a subspecies of avocado.” See?

I could go on and on, but whatever I said about the absurdity of the situation would be woefully inadequate.

Ahh...Another Writing Group

A few nights ago, I visited another writing group - The Washington Creative Writers Club.  I found them through Meetup.com.   About 25 members attend on a weekly basis and almost everyone is working on fiction.   They break into smaller groups where individuals read their writing and then receive critique.

Not knowing anyone in the group and this being my first visit, I had not intended on sharing my work.  I thought I would sit back and observe. However, I still brought copies of my blog post A Moment of Melancholy.   I know enough about Karen to realize that Karen just might change her mind.  I wasn’t interested in reading my work out loud as I had not rehearsed my reading voice.  Ok, I was scared.  I even inquired about letting others just read it and provide critique.  Joe, leading our group, said he would explain that later at the end of the meeting and that he would put me down to read second.  Joe is a force so I complied.

I read my work and felt like I was sitting naked on a stage somewhere in Times Square.  I did not die.  In fact, I received very constructive and thoughtful feedback.  One suggestion was to be more economical with my words if I am going to do short essays (500 words or less).   Here's an example from my melancholy post:  I said, I looked up and realized that a little girl was coming my way.  I could say, A little girl was coming my way.  Another thought was to add a final paragraph to tie everything together.   I questioned whether or not I should tell the reader exactly what they should take away from my work.   They didn't see it that way.  There was a comment about the piece not really being about melancholy although it’s in the title and mentioned a few times.  In fact, Joe the force, briefly and eloquently expressed what the piece was really about and I was impressed. All I could do was nod as I realized that these might be my people.

The Washington Creative Writers Club is not for everybody.   I was told that they have a lot of one-timers. The individuals that I encountered were pretty intellectual and about business.   It’s about the work and not your feelings, who you think you are or who you want to be.   In my group, I was surrounded by solid writers.  I’ve been to other writing groups where people do not have basic writing skills.  I see this everywhere including professional settings.  This may be more of a reflection of our educational system than anything else.

After the meeting, a number of people came up to me and encouraged me to come back.  They hoped I wasn’t scared away. Several members went over to the Cheesecake Factory afterwards.  I went along.   I didn’t come to DC to become a hermit.  In fact, this is exactly why I moved to DC – to have new experiences and meet new people.  This may require that I leave my apartment.   I got home sometime after 11 pm.  The next day I went to work to earn my daily bread, tired but happy.

Man Cannot Live by Lists Alone

A New Year…Four beautiful seasons begin.  These are not my words.  These words are from a six-pack of holiday cards by American Greetings.  I love the sentiment and the hope that these few words offer.

In the past, I take this time to reflect upon where I've been and where I want to go.  When I was younger, I used to write down a list of goals for the future.  To prove this point, I selected a journal from my box of journals to see if I could find any New Year resolutions, goals or lists.  The first journal I picked up included an entry from January 4, 2007 which concluded with a rudimentary handwritten chart:

2007

More	Less
Writing & Reading	TV
Healthy Behaviors	Fear
Understanding	Anger
Compassion	Sugar, Fried Foods
Financial Stability	Bullshit (internal & external)
Family Time
Meaningful Relationships
Fearless Living

Having lists to help us reach our goals can be helpful but we gotta keep these lists in check.  Keep lists in their place.  There have been times when my life felt like a series of lists that I kept constructing and destructing.   It feels good to cross things off of a long list.  Of course, I would then create a new one.  It is a way to move oneself around in the world and to feel deeply accomplished or like a friggin failure…all because of a stupid list.  Truly that’s a recipe for mania. 

Man cannot live by lists alone. 

As I said before, we just gotta keep lists in their place.  Lists are very helpful when I’m at work and have too much to do.  I need a little list to write down things that need to get done that day or within a short period of time.  Lists are also good for the grocery store.  Without a good list, I could end up with almost anything.  I've been collecting books by my numero uno main squeeze author James Baldwin.  I put the list of 5 books I currently own in the notes section of my phone.  Last week, I wandered into Second Story Books in Dupont Circle (Washington, DC) and found a Baldwin book.  I was so excited and headed to the cashier.  I remembered my list and was shocked it was already on there.  I couldn't believe that I had forgotten that I had this book when I just put this list in my phone less than a week ago.  So lists are also good for people like me who are a bit loopy.

Our lists are often based on our goals - but we also have to keep our goals in check.  Goals will change based on our needs, wants and state of mind.  Sometimes they are valid and sometimes they're not. I may have a goal that is based on a need.  Here’s an example that many can relate to.  There was a time when I had marriage on my list of goals.  Now, I desire meaningful relationships.  I figure that if marriage is really that important for my journey then all of the cosmic forces, Jesus, Buddha, Allah and everyone else will come together and make it happen.  I see no reason to expend my creative, spiritual, emotional and intelligent energy on trying to make something like that happen.  Fortunately, I live in a day and time where I have enough freedom and opportunities to do what I want without being legally hitched to someone.  I don’t need to be married.  However, I don’t think I could make it without the support of friends and family.  I need meaningful relationships.  Developing meaningful relationships has become a guiding principle for my life.  

So what does all of this mean for the new year?   It’s ok to have a list or two of things to accomplish to help you organize your life but they can’t be your life.   Try to have guiding principles by which to live your life and then put them in practice.  These can be simple things like to be more loving, compassionate or creative.  If you miss the mark you can just try again.  That’s the hope that comes with a new year.

Wishing you peace, blessings and all good things-  Karen